Two Years Later: Hurricane Katrina

August 28, 2007

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What's changed?
Ray (School Bus) Nagin was re elected mayor and is considering a run
for Governor! Governor Kathleen (National Guard) BLANK-O is leaving
office in disgrace after voters decided she shouldn't run again.
Insurance companies have replaced "Brownie" as the left's favorite
whipping boy. Those who never had flood insurance now insist the
insurance companies give them recompense. New Orleans is still missing
half its population because those who could be gone are staying gone.
Crime is still rampant in New Orleans and the Feds are making sure the
levee boards don't skim money off the top before the levees are fixed.
Read the weather bulletin, friends.
Who's fault was it for failing to get out of town? For those who couldn't
get out of town who should have gotten them out? And remember,
Hurricane Katrina also hit Mississippi among other places, but I still
don't hear Haley Barbour whining. He's just getting the job done---because
that's what he's supposed to do.
Below is the speech I rewrote for President Bush. It's a speech I sure wish he'd
deliver at some point.

000
WWUS74 KLIX 282139
NPWLIX
URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS LA
413 PM CDT SUN AUG 28 2005
...EXTREMELY DANGEROUS HURRICANE KATRINA CONTINUES TO
APPROACH THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER DELTA...
...DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED...
MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER.
AT LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF
AND WALL FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES
SEVERELY DAMAGED OR DESTROYED. THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS
WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.
PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD
FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE
BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING
SOME WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.
HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...
A FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.
AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS
SUCH AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES.
SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN
DEBRIS WILL CREATE ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND
LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.
POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE
DOWN AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE
HUMAN SUFFERING INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED.
ONLY THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED.
FEW CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE KILLED.


My fellow Americans…
I come to you from the French Quarter in
the historic city of New Orleans to give you an accounting of the
trouble that has befallen this city and the wonderful people who call
it home.
I’m here tonight…standing in the sewage strewn streets of the French Quarter
because your government has let you down.

Hurricane Katrina hit the gulf coast section of the United States August 29 and
she hit with a vengeance. Biloxi, Gulfport, New Orleans, have piles of
sticks where-there-once-were homes…and it’s partially because your
government let you down.
First…for my part…I apologize once again for any failing of the
United States Federal Government in its
response to hurricane Katrina.
Brownie…my friend who I put in charge of FEMA…after he served as that
agency’s general counsel
and--before that—as a horse show overseer…is gone.
I fired his butt
because that was the most visible way I could demonstrate
to you that I
meant business.
I COULD tell you he did a bad job…but I’d be lying. He did a good job…and that
brings me to my next failing.

While Alabama and Mississippi were hard hit …they had something the people
Louisiana didn’t. Leadership.

You see…I failed the people of Louisiana because I failed to recognize
early-on that the good people of Louisiana had unknowingly hired morons
to lead them.
When I went to business school they encouraged the big shots to delegate
and I do that a lot. But then I’ve always
surrounded myself with competent people…
What I DIDN’T count on was incompetent people being put in charge.
That’s where I screwed up.
From the corruption in the police department…when cops were running a
way…or…
looting, or grieving; to the levee boards which spent the money they
WERE to have used to buttress the levees…on ---among other things—a two
million dollar light up fountain…to the abject inert response by the
mayor…who threw up his hands and said…those buses aren’t good enough
and --WHERE’S the government? forgetting HE was the government…to the
Governor weeping…gnashing her teeth…and wringing her hands, and
incapable of making a decision…such that even good ol’ Brownie
eventually had to call me and tell me it was time for the FEDS TO TAKE OVER.
We didn’t take over in Mississippi. We didn’t have to take over in Alabama.
Just Louisiana.
I’ve been accused of not CARING about my African American brothers and
sisters, for being too aloof, too distant…away on vacation. But if
Texas was so far away to deal with this, how come my home state is
hosting the majority of the evacuees?
Still --I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.
Now here’s what we’re going to do:
New Orleans is not just Louisiana’s city…it’s everyone’s city and everyone’s
going to help spit-shine it.

Starting Monday…the hardest hit portions of New Orleans will be designated
federal enterprise zones. We’ll cut the red tape…tell you what
structural things you have to do to your buildings in the NEW New
Orleans…but I’m going to do the best thing your government can do: get
the heck out of the way and let the free market build a more secure New
Orleans. The free market didn’t do such a bad job the first time.
Now …we’ve got some people living in some areas of New Orleans that
are---at best---crazy. We’re going to have to give some of that land
back to mother nature…build the levees higher…prepare for the next
hurricane.
And here’s where you come in.
When the weather report for New Orleans says…that quote ‘a most powerful
hurricane with
unprecedented strength…rivaling the intensity of hurricane Camille of
1969.” And when the weather report for new Orleans says…. quote here
again, “most of the area will be uninhabitable for weeks, perhaps
longer…and at least one half of well constructed homes will have roof
and wall failure.” Here’s what I want you to do…
Call the mayor…and say…I want to pull a Jabbar Gibson…I will be willing to drive
one of those buses and take many people with me to safety.
If he says again…that those buses aren’t good enough for you…and that the
unionized bus drivers won’t be there to take you…tell him you need the
keys and you need to go now.
Now…here’s something else you need to know…the government can only do so much.
You’re going to have to take care of yourselves. All you have to do to have
PROOF POSITIVE that the “entitlement society” doesn’t work is look at the response
of your mayor and governor.

They had no clue. They thought the government would deliver them…they forgot
they WERE the government.

Now…here’s what else you’ve got to do.
You’ve got to find or build yourself a new home. FEMA is working on your
insurance stuff. You’ll get a home voucher. You know best how to spend
the money.
If you want to live in the big easy…or go someplace else…
don’t you think YOU’RE the best one to decide it?

Now some of the so-called black leaders say you should be given a lump sum
payment like the victims of 9-11. I think that’s a great idea.
We’ll provide some oversight…but I’ll sign a bill doing that…right after
those same…so called leaders support your right to dictate where part
of your social security benefits should be invested.
Those same men also say the response to hurricane Katrina was because I don’t care
for black people…or because I planted a “crater” in one of the levees
in a diabolical plot to purposely flood black neighborhoods to make way
for whitey.
If you believe that-- then you deserve these people as your leaders.
To the rest of you…we’ve got some work to do.
Members of Congress, Chris Rock, and Michael Moore all have said that we’re
spending too much money in Iraq saving those people and that the American
people should sacrifice more for the war effort.
Securing
a democratic government in the middle of Islamofacist regimes…seems
like a good deal to me…so we’ll just ignore that idea. But I like the
idea of shared sacrifice.
So…to that end …I am taking back the highway and appropriations bills…
and spending that money all on rebuilding the gulf region.

That about does it.
No wait: One more thing.
When someone tells you to equip yourself with an emergency kit to last you
and your family for three days? Believe it.

Thank you…God speed…and God Bless America.

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