They've been claimed from customs and are on their way to floating like 'bubbles' over the freeway, highway, homes of those poor schmucks on Lair Hill. Yes, the two tram cars are here at a cost of a half a mil each. And the people in charge--either OHSU, City of Portland, Homer Williams, PDC---we have no idea--want you to help name them. So I'm taking your suggestions. I'll go first.
BOON -DOGGLE
KOHLER-COASTER (this name already exists to pay disrepect to outgoing OHSU head Peter Kohler for this ill conceived idea, but we're looking for names of both cars and I thought we could reprise this for purposes of this contest).
Listener Bill writes in and suggests
WAL-MART
RONALD-REAGAN
Keep the ideas rolling in !
Dear Victoria,
If the tram holds 78 people, are they going to replace the buses that seat 40 but can squeeze 60-80? Will it be a "frequent service" line, running every 15 minutes or less? Will it run when the buses can't make it up and down the hill in the snow and ice?
Just pondering,
Gerry
Beaverton
Dear Gentle Listener,
The Tram will result in fewer buses running to pill hill to ensure that at least someone will ride the tram besides the doctors, nurses, staff etc who work at OHSU.
There will be plenty of buses around during frosty, windy days because the tram, in all liklihood, will not be able to operate.
Thank you for asking.
Victoria
PS This is just another reason why we call it the "Tram Scam"
Monday, October 30, 2006
Help Name the Two Tram Cars *Plus a Special "Ask Victoria"
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17 comments:
Listener Bill writes in:
Victoria -- Let’s make it positive and upbeat. Why not honor two American success stories with names that will annoy the supervisors forever?
Let’s name the cars “Wal-Mart” and “President Reagan.”
Is there any way we can bypass the supervisors and put this to a popular vote? Ballot measure, maybe?
Everyday low prices,
Sell the right to name the tram, and let some big company use it as an advertisement. It will make the tram ugly, however it could help to recover some of the cost.
Personally, I think that we should make it look like an Elephant and name it Packy.
It looks kind of fun, they don't have this ride in DisneyLand anymore.
I think that they should just sell advertising on the side of them to things like Rx companies. They already look like Pills. It could be Viagra and Xanax. An upper and a downer. Or maybe an ad for American Medical Responce, and A&B Towing for all of the wrecks that will be caused by the destractioncaused by these things going over the freeway.
Oh my goodness, Noah! You're brilliant!
I was thinking of painting them pink and naming them Pork and Graft.
Dr Jeckle and Mr Hide
One of them needs to be called the "enema" cause they already stuck it to us you know where!
Paint on the side.
This space For rent on one and If you lived here you'd be home already.
just cover each with a condom....after all, aren't we getting ******?
The whole name game sounds like a lot of fun. But we all know that its going to come down to a big room full of lots of people being paid big money to sit around for the next 2 months, and come up with Tram car 1 and tram car 2. Its the city the works my friend. get used to it.
Matt Groening is from the area and takes a lot of inspiration from Portland landmarks, so let's reciprocate: Itchy and Scratchy.
Seriously.
Hi Victoria,
Thanks for the forum to sound off about naming the new con-TRAM-tions-
Perhaps 'Desire' and 'Destitute' would be appropos, as the bureaucratic lust for this
one of a kind (thank heaven for that at least-for now) "streetcar" by those who scripted it
will no-doubt in the end bring the taxpayers so much closer to penury,
Or maybe 'Tick' and 'Tock' as it will only be a matter of time before this really bad and embarassing idea becomes "dated" and very wearisome (kinda like those hideous and Jetson-esque transports of the early world fairs?)
Then again they could be called 'Tweedle-De(ficit) for the outrageous cost over-runs
and 'Tweedle-Dumb(a**)- for whoever concocted this "Alice-like" looking-glass scenario
in the first place
Could be 'Bonnie' and 'Clyde' cause, yes, we have been robbed in the most brazen way, and
I predict no good will come of it.
or..
'Pill' and 'Chill'..traverse the Hill To fetch the lazy doctors
Those Transit guys, they think they're wise
Nonetheless, they searched their 'proctors'-
Is it gross enough? should we add more stuff?
This is Portland, now, can't be too cheezy,
And whats in store? why-we'll build two more-
This was way too easy!
I know this little ditty doesn't really made total sense, but hey --it was fun!
In all actuality, the tram will no doubt be named by some pinko-greenie-uberliberal-lifetime
govermment-union-employee (or a fourth grade student from the public school system). I predict it will be a relative of
somebody involved in the crime, who will come up with a decidedly lame eco-friendly PC moniker
that I cannot even remotely imagine right now, but when it is announced, we will all say
aaahhhhh, hhhmmm, ooohhhh-damn, why didn't I think of that?
Yours truly,
Don
P.S. Will smelly bums and homeless people be allowed to panhandle at the terminals and even
maybe live in the trolley-cars for days on end?
Itchy and Scratchy? I like it.
Don,
Of course panhandlers will be welcome! No, wait, that's OHSU land? So, on second thought, no hobos. See, citizens can't tell these guys to get lost, just private ones.
Victoria
PS Keep the jack and jill stuff coming. Very good stuff.
Whatever suggested going with an elephant theme. In keeping with that, how about "Dumbo" and "Dumb-Dumb" to "honor" the ones who thought up this fiasco in the first place?
So Neil Goldschmidt, Vera Katz, Peter Kohler...the major players in this fiasco.
I have to tell you I've been to Victoria's Peak. A hospital ain't no Victoria's Peak.
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